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This past week I read “The Game” by Neil Strauss – I had heard a lot about this book when it came out in 2005, but at the time I didn’t have any reason to read it since I was married. More than a decade later and two years after my divorce I thought – why not give it a shot?  Let’s see if I can learn anything about how men interact with women.

 

I have never been so thankful for being married in 2005!  If you haven’t read the book, it was quite the phenomena in its time. I don’t want to ruin the pick up “games” but the one that I was particularly happy to have avoided was the magic tricks. Apparently so many men were trained to do these tricks that they had to come up with some other gimmick since all of the girls already knew them. Wow!

 

The Game was written before online dating became “a thing” so guys still had to actually make an effort and go out to meet girls. These past few years I have wasted endless hours swiping through dating profiles and though I am infinitely amused by how men represent themselves – and yes, there are trends with tigers, babies, puppies, selfies at the gym, selfies in the bathroom, selfies in the car, etc.… – you are not original, trust me. Amazing to me though is even when you “match” with a guy they will rarely talk to you first – it is hilarious. In their profiles they whine about no one talking on the app and no one meeting them, but they don’t make any effort. They wait for the girl to initiate the conversation.

 

My take on this situation though, being the Alpha Female that I am, is that if I have to initiate the relationship I will have to initiate everything else too and then ultimately I will be accused of being controlling - You know its true. I find this to be a no win situation. What happened to the man asking the woman out?  And if that rare event happens, it seems the best you might get is an offer for coffee, which may or may not qualify you to eat something – really?  Yes, dating can get expensive – especially if you are going on multiple dates a day – that’s the reality now. The online dating apps are so easy and accessible that everyone seems to be hedging their bets and instead of trying to get to know someone and putting in some effort and time, they meet you for a nanosecond at a crowded coffee shop and access you instantly – which, in reality, is more to see if you are the person in the pictures. I get that coffee is cheap and if you play it right you don’t even have to pay for theirs…that’s the one I like the most. I wonder if that trick is in a book?

 

What I found most amusing about the new dating world is that I am a Taco Bell and beach type of girl. My ideal date is going through the drive-thru at Taco Bell and hanging out at sunset on the beach and getting to know each other. Walking hand in hand – enjoying nature, the beauty of the surroundings, and experiencing each other - really listening to what the other has to say without the noise and interruptions in a crowded restaurant. But, I guess it’s a good thing I’ve learned to like coffee shops now… smiley

 

While my good friend, Richie, was visiting in November we made a short film (2 minutes) about online dating. We wanted to practice our video and storytelling skills so we gave each other an assignment. Three ideas. We would meet Sunday morning and decide what to shoot and our project would be done in a day.  Richie had an awesome concept about telling a story entirely with our hands – no words. He wanted to see if we could convey meaning and emotion without words. I loved it! I wanted something to do with the passage of time so we put that element in there too with sand filling a half-moon bottle. The soundtrack is an original song by Richie. I hope you will watch and enjoy and come back for more!

 

I watched the movie Words and Pictures last night for the second time (see trailer below) and realized that what I want more than anything is passion.  Not sex, gratefully we are all made to satisfy that requirement for ourselves (for the most part), what I am talking about is more like having the courage of your convictions.  It is so boring to move through the world with everyone agreeing with you.  Of course, I don’t want or need conflict all the time, but healthy discussion and learning is awesome.  Having someone to spar with intellectually is stimulating.  If every thought you have is simply regurgitated by others it grows tiresome.  I enjoy seeing and hearing others thoughts and opinions that are not a canned speech from what they heard someone else say - and that someone else is usually paid to say outrageous things to promote disagreements.  No, what I crave more of is people who CARE, people who can articulate their position and that position doesn’t change when their audience changes.  Someone who can stand up for what they believe in no matter the moment - the who, what, when, where and why are irrelevant because they believe so passionately about this topic.  Maybe I just want someone who BELIEVES in something.  It seems that today’s society has stopped caring, they have stopped trying to make a difference and we are all just trying to ‘get by’ - getting by is boring and it is why we are bored and boring.  Have a voice, have an opinion - YOUR opinion though please - if I want to hear someone else’s I will ask them or listen to their rants.  No, I want to hear your deepest desires and fears, your obstacles and possibilities. Tell me your story.  Bring me into your world and let me explore.   Let us sit for awhile together and actually have a conversation.  Tell me what you are passionate about and what you want out of our short time here.  Maybe I can help you achieve it.  By expressing what you truly desire you just may get it - does that scare you or excite you?
 

 

We need more people to wake up and be passionate about SOMETHING.  ANYTHING.  No one has to agree with you - in fact, it’s better when they don’t - it means you have something good - it means that if you believe with all of your heart that this is what you are passionate about that it is your THING.  It is something to hold on to - not something to discard or hide because it goes against what others are comfortable with.  MAKE PEOPLE UNCOMFORTABLE!  Of course there are limits and don’t do anything illegal or immoral but it is okay to state your objective and it not match everyone else in the room.  Let’s abolish conformity and embrace individuality.  Be proud of who you are and what you stand for - you are unique and you should act that way.  Fitting in is not possible for change makers - those individuals meant to change the world.  Those people (you are one) that excite our minds, who light us up when they enter the room because you know you will learn something from them, or at least become energized by speaking with them because they are magnetic.  You just feel better around them.  You all know some one like that - now, BE someone like that.  We all have it in us, but for some reason we kill it, we suppress it so that we can fit in and not make waves.  We have been burned in the past for speaking out or sticking out.  We have been hurt, maybe even crushed by the disappointment of others actions, but now is the time to take back what is ours and speak our truth.  Know our truth - sometimes it is buried so far down in the society’s crush of conformity that we have forgotten.  We can’t even make a decision where to go out to eat because we are so used to being “wrong” - we are not “wrong” ever - we are just with the wrong people!  

 
Finding your “people”, your “tribe” - those other lost souls that will resonate with your existence and rise you up to places you never imagined - that is what we are all seeking.  Not the “playing small” and “fitting in” - what is the saying?  Go along to get along?  Bah humbug!  Make some noise.  Disrupt the status quo and go for it.  Make your world, our world, a better place.  Try a new way of doing something - if it fails, try something else!  Don’t give up.  Never give up.  Keep striving, keep achieving and some day we will all wake up and smile instead of groan.  We will look at each new day with vigor and excitement because we know that each minute has the potential for learning and growing and interacting in a whole new way.  Today is the day.  It is always the day.  Make the change.  Be the change.
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